Pinterest Lunches – Please stop

A couple of weeks before school started I receive an email from Pinterest…Hundreds of Easy Lunchbox Ideas.  Oh, well now, Pinterest seems to know that I have a school aged child and need lunch box ideas.  They also seem to have figured out that I enjoy being crafty.  What their super spy computers don’t have an algotithm for is that while I do enjoy crafts I’m also extremely sarcastic.  They haven’t yet figured out that I don’t have time for over acheiving mom projects that include making lunch look like a Smithsonian exhibit.  They may know I have a school kid but they don’t know that my child wouldn’t try hummus if I paid him $100 and coated it in sugar.  I may not have time to put together a bento box style lunch that only Molly Ringwald in the Breakfast Club would eat but I do have time to make fun of it all.  Let’s break this down, shall we?

I scrolled through about 2000 lunch box pins and about 2 of them looked “easy”.  I don’t know what the Pinterest employee was smoking when they put this little collection together but there isn’t any thing easy about these lunches.  Let’s define an easy lunch:  PB&J, fruit snacks, gold fish crackers, Capri Sun and if you’re feeling extra super-organic-granola-mom that day toss in a banana or applesauce.  That, my friends is what everyday, regular moms are doing.  They have been doing it since Roosevelt was President and if it worked for The Greatest Generation then by God it’s gonna work for me.

Since when did commenting on Pins become a thing?  Some of these Pins have 65+ comments on them and they are getting pretty heated and snarky.  For the most part its other moms congratulating the creative mom on how awesome she is.  However, there are some moms criticizing the calorie count of some lunches or imbalance of the food groups.  Then the do-gooder moms gang up on the critical moms and the “play nice” volly starts.  What?  If this is the direction Pinterest is going I’m not sure I’m cool with that.  If I want to see sarcastic comments I’ll just read my own blog thank you very much.

Speaking of which…

Wait, what child is eating this?  Hold on a minute…are these Pins from moms in Japan?  Because I don’t know any kid who would willingly eat this with out their mother making them choke it down.  This is just WAY too healthy to be a school lunch.

Holy smokes.  Are these lunch box ideas for an elementary child or a Bloomingdales executive?

Oh sister, bless your heart.  This is just precious but you have about 180 lunches to prepare.  Slow down and take a breath because there is absolutely no way you are going to be able to maintain the standard you have set.  By week 3 you are going to be cursing the day you thought ordering those Williams Sonoma cookie cutters in 52 various shapes was a good idea.

Sure, that is really cute but what is really going on here?  When did parenting turn into entertaining our kids even when they are out of our sight?  Extreme lunches in 1st grade and iPhones in 2nd?  Oh wait, that’s actually happening.

That cheese is going to either be all soft and mushy by lunch time or hard around the edges.  Either way, gross.  All your hard work will go directly to the trash.

Hold the phone.  Are those wraps accessorized with little belts?  Is the wrap wearing a wrap?  And, how much do I love that little note printed out on scrapbooking paper and lovingly cut out at 3:00 a.m.  Relax and enjoy yourself precious one while mom rips her hair out trying to figure out how to top yesterday’s lunch.

I would like to say I have a winner for the most ridiculous lunch but the competition was just too stiff.  There was too much to choose from so they are all winners!

Listen, if you find joy in preparing ridiculously cute lunches for your kids then more power to ya.  If you have attempted this and it has in any way caused you stress…then what the heck?!  School lunch prep should not equal stress.  Don’t do it.  Also, I hope you are fine with half of your creation going into the cafeteria trash or your grape-k-bobs getting traded for a Little Debbie.  Just sayin’.  Little Debbie is a temptress and there is no way to shield your child from her wiley ways.