Kindergarten and 5th grade
3rd grade and 8th grade
Just like that it’s over.
I’ve found myself standing alone in my kitchen, sipping my coffee and starring into space wondering what just happened.
Eighty-four days (counting weekends) was not enough. Its not enough time for family vacations plus days being spoiled by grandparents plus lazy days just doing nothing. Not enough time to sleep in and then spend the morning by the pool. Not enough time to veg out in front of the tv or discover silly Netflix shows together. Not enough time to have sleep overs and then a full day to recover from the sleepover. Its not enough time to stay up late watching Marvel movies plus my childhood favorites.
We can still eat popsicles but they don’t taste as sweet.
I know the year officially starts over on January 1 but for this mom, it starts over on the first day back to school.
On this hallowed day my baby suddenly found himself on the “big kid” side of the school and my first baby is nearly as tall as his dad and in braces. I watched them both walk off to their new classrooms and new teachers with the slightest hesitation. I could sense that they were both a little anxious about the change and uncertain about what the new year holds. There is no doubt in my mind that they will both be alright and that the confidence that comes with repetition and familiarity will soon settle their stiff shoulders but for now we are all secretly lamenting the comfort of home and zero responsibilities.
I wish I had a pause button but silently starring out the window, wondering what they are doing right at this very moment doesn’t make time stop. The day continues whether I move from this spot or not. In the the blink of an eye they will walk back through the front door and life that is the school year will commence. Before you know it, it will be Halloween.
But for now I’m going to allow myself a moment to feel bittersweet. Then I’m going to put my big girl panties on and face the new year and all the ups and downs it will bring. For now I’ll watch Nicole Nordeman’s Slow Down video and allow myself a few tears. Then I’m going to dry my eyes and get back to work. For now I will seek comfort in pounding out these feelings on the keyboard. Then I will look at my calendar, take a deep breath, and carry on.
First I will think about fat baby feet and a little boy who always needed two pacifiers. Then I’m going to pack that away and choose joy for today. I’m going to think about witty teenage humor and reading chapter books before bedtime and be grateful for right here, right now.