Response to Shut The Eff Up

There is a blog post going around by a blogger complaining about stay at home moms who complain and asking them to shut the eff up.  In a nutshell the blogger (who is a SAHM herself) is tired of hearing/reading SAHMs complain about their mundane lives that revolve around juice boxes, play dates and mac & cheese. She is sick of hearing how they are drowning in poopy diapers, how messy their house is and how tired they are.  She wants SAHMs to stop complaining and start being grateful that they are able to watch their children grow up and are not missing the precious moments that make up childhood.  She wants SAHMs to realize that they are living an extremely privileged life that many working moms would love to live but just can’t because they have to have two incomes.  

She makes valid points but is pretty harsh in her presentation.  

My guess is that a majority of SAHMs are very grateful that they are able to stay at home with their kids.  They probably love seeing that first step instead of the day care worker seeing it.  They probably empathize with the working mom when she has to drop her baby off at day care each morning.  She probably appreciates how special it is that she can take her kids to story time at the library during the week when it’s less crowded.

This is just another example of mom shaming and the war women are waging on each other.  We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.  If SAHMs ran around all day telling everybody how great their life is and constantly reminded their friends how “blessed” they are to be at home with their kids then you can bet your lucky stars there would be a snarky blog post about how annoying the moms are who relish every spit up, pray over every diaper and frame every scrap of paper that their budding artist scribbles on. 

Here’s what it comes down to. Being a parent is hard.  Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom, its freaking hard and everybody wants and needs to be heard when times are tough.  The SAHM is stir crazy and needs validation in the toy explosion that used to be her living room.  Her frustration level is at code red and she sometimes questions her own sanity.  The working moms are anguished that the day care worker gets to help her baby take her first step or rub his back at nap time.  Her guilt is huge and real and she needs to voice it, have it be heard and for someone to understand before the guilt eats her alive.

We all want to be heard.  We all need validation in our struggle.  We need to vent now and then.  Once that steam has dissipated it is a little easier to see the positive in our situation and be grateful for it.  

So next time a mom is griping about her life, give her some grace and room to be heard.  And if she won’t stop then freaking hide her from your FB feed for crying out loud and stop complaining about it.  Geez.

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