A Dear John letter to Trader Joes

posted in: Random Stuff | 6

Dear Trader Joes – I’m so sorry to have to say this but…I’m breaking up with you.  When I moved away I told you I would wait for you.  I’ve spent the past 7 years hoping that you would come to me only to be disappointed and heartbroken with each passing year.  Those visits we had in Palm Springs and Albuquerque were wonderful but it’s not enough for me anymore.  You know how much I wanted you to come to Norman.  I even had the perfect location picked out for you; a large empty retail space near historic downtown with plenty of parking.  I tried to tell you that Norman was the perfect choice for your first Oklahoma store.  We’re a college town, students with expendible income, wealthy families, Obama stickers on every third car, we even have hippies for goodness sakes.  I wrote you and joined your FB page but you never wrote back.  It seems nothing I say or do will change your mind.  Please don’t try and make excuses about the liquor laws in Oklahoma.  We both know that Whole Foods moved to Oklahoma City and look how happy they are together, even without the wine.

As much as it hurts me to say this I have to move on.  Sprouts moved into the space I had picked out for you.  They wooed me with their bulk food bins and produce with great prices.  Their weekly specials are really impressive, even the most loyal TJ shopper would be tempted.  They made me feel valued and cherished with their frequent FB updates.  They took a chance on Norman and moved in knowing good and well there was a Natural Grocers only two miles up the road.  They really want me and I’m going to give it a shot.  You should have seen their grand opening with coupon books and free reusable grocery bags.  They have made a real effort to win my heart which is more than I can say for you.

Trader Joes, you will always be my first love.  I’ll never forget the orchids and lavender plants I bought from you.  Your frozen roasted corn and red bell pepper medley holds a special place in my heart.  Thank you for two buck chuck and the amazing selection of reasonably priced wine.  Christmas may never be the same without your Winter Coffee Blend but I can’t live in the past.  It’s time for me to move on.

I hope we can be friends.  I would like to come and visit you next time I’m in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area.  Maybe we could share your Chai Tea Latte for old times sake.  However, if you ever do move to Oklahoma don’t expect me to drop everything and come running.  I have a new life with Sprouts now and I’m happy, I really am.  I hope you will find happiness in all the new stores you are opening.  But hear me loud and clear…if you decide to move to Edmond when you could have had Norman, then forget it.  Tulsa, fine.  I can even deal with Oklahoma City.  But Edmond would be a stab in the heart.

All my love

6 Responses

  1. Kathryn Green

    I chuckled the entire reading, well , in between bouts of Lego play with Harry! Thanks for the diversion! Mom

  2. Liz Hrubik

    Loved it! You should try your hand at writing a novel or children’s Books. Good read, thanks for the laugh. Share your feelings!

  3. Judy Cain

    Good job, you little Sprouts convert!!! They had me at Sunflower Market — even a name change didn’t hurt my willingness to give them a try! The Regional Manager giving me the two produce items on the night of the preview party, sealed the deal. Glad you have a new fave as well.

  4. Elizabeth

    I keep meaning to head over and try, but it’s been so packed around there I need to figure out a time I want to deal with the crowd!

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