A clean house. It does not happen very often here at Casa de la Hugs, Kisses and Snot. There is just too many Cheerios, mail, magazines, papers with drawings of stick figures, finger prints, hardened fruit snacks, laundry that needs to be folded to keep it under control. Add to that my need to sit down and read a book plus my craft projects that are half-finished. Who has time to clean on a regular basis? Not me. I’m still waiting for the woodland creatures to jump in and help out.
There’s nothing like kicking your butt in gear to get the house clean like the idea of 11 women coming over and expecting a house tour. This week is my turn at hosting Bunko. Yes, I’m in a Bunko group. I saw you roll your eyes. Don’t judge. It’s fun.
Because this event is looming I decided to hire a cleaning service. Less than 24 hours the women of the neighborhood arrive. In 24 hours the potential for toy explosion, dust collecting and tongue prints on the back door is astronomical. I’m kinda stressing here. I’m working recon and I suggested we go out to dinner rather than dirty up the kitchen. Tomorrow we’re going to the movies so we can keep the crumbs to a minimum then I’m packing the kids off to my mother-in-law’s house so I can keep a lid on the mess that is created in my paid-for-clean house.
Because I paid money for a clean house I’ve run my finger over every surface to see what she missed. I have to say I’m a little disappointed. I’ve come to know my dust levels really well, which baseboards are the dingiest, which surface has the highest capacity for dust and which corners collect the most bunnies. I don’t think this gal has my keen power of observation because I noticed a whisker in Dear Husband’s sink two seconds after she walked out the door.
In order to keep the house the way it is for the next 24 hours I’ve laid down some unspoken ground rules. By unspoken ground rules I mean I have set unusual expectations on the livability of our home and there is no way these rules can be kept. No crumbs or cheerios on the floor. No specks on the rug or messed up pillows on the couch. No smudges on the countertops. No fingerprints on the windows or water spots from the water guns on the back door. No legos on the carpet or crappy plastic toys randomly tossed around. No toothpaste on the counter or soap scum in the bathtub. No messed up beds or wet towels hung to dry. No hairs that have been shed from anyones head shall fall to the floor or spittle that comes from coughing and/or sneezing. No foul bodily odors shall be emitted within the house or using the toilet and then not flushing it. No flies buzzing around the kitchen or empty fruit snack packages on the floor. No dust or dead skin cells that create dust. No talking above a whisper or running and jumping from the couch to the ottoman to the couch. Just to be on the safe side let’s just round up and say no breathing, walking or blinking.
Now that we all understand the rules we are just going to go ahead and check into a hotel for the remainder of our lives. We’ll just come by the house now and then to admire how clean it looks.
Scratch that. Keeping a clean house is way too stressful. After bunko all bets are off and we will be back to our piles of junk mail, important papers that never get read and toy explosion. Thank you Lego company for creating a toy that has 27 million microscopic parts, thank you. Because a house isn’t a home without signs that it is loved and lived in.
There, I’ve embraced the mess…just until the bunko ladies leave.